A Weight Has Been Lifted!

We now have a Wednesday night Prayer Service at our Chapel on post and I finally had the oppurtunity to attend last night. It was such a beautiful time of fellowship, praise and prayer. We were small in attendance but BIG in our hearts. This time of small group prayer was a time that I wasn't looking forward to (I don't like for people to know all of my buisness), but I really had something heavy on my heart that I've needed to give to the Lord for sometime and have chosen to just let it fester inside. You see, Wes and I miscarried on Christmas Day after 10 weeks of pregnancy and since then I have been so angry because something that was ordained in the beginning to be OURS was taken away. I've asked why over and over again but I think because of my selfishness being in the way I've been unavailable to hear the answers that the Father has had for me.

I went into the prayer time with these thoughts and feelings on my heart.
-I am angry, not necessarily at God but just angry at the fact that he has taken away something that was suppose to be MINE.
-My joy is gone
-My relationship with my heavenly Father is suffering because of my selfishness. The Father IS indeed speaking to me, but I am choosing not to listen at this time.
-I feel like nobody understands, they've not been where I am, so therefore I'll just keep it all bottled up inside until I can't anymore.

I left the prayer time with these thoughts and feelings IN my heart.

-"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:21

"The Lord knows those who are his,"
2 Timothy 2:19

"I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. v.22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you WILL rejoice and no one will take your joy away. v.23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. v. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
John 16:20,22-24

"I am the good shepherd, I KNOW my sheep, and my sheep know me-"
John 10:14

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.""
Jeremiah 29:11

JESUS ASKED WHY TOO...I'm not the only one :-)

My GOD is ALL knowing.

Just as scripture promises the Lord has NO intentions of hurting me or my family to the point that I would so willingly turn my back on Him. Joy may be scarce in my life right now, but it is not gone for good. In HIS most perfect timing it will be renewed and absolutely complete, and greater than ever. My Father must have known something about me that I was unaware of. He must of known that my body could not physically carry a baby to full term without there being problems in the long run or that there was something wrong with our little one and it would be best to just go ahead and bring him/her home to Heaven to be healed. It was all done to OUR benefit and to bring glory to the kingdom.

Lastly, one of my most precious sisters in Christ here in Germany Carla DID know how I felt,
she has been where I am today and was there herself only a few short months ago. She completely understands and was such an encouragement to me. I know now that because I have a Comforter (who was there before the hard times began) to carry me through, I will make it. I am NOT in this alone. I have an amazing husband and ONE precious baby boy that is ALL MINE (Yes, we have dedicated him to the Lord and we will continue to do so DAILY), I have been given the amazing privilege of begin his Mommy for a long, long time. Here is the awesome thing that God showed me through all of this........ I have one perfect child who is healthy, energetic and was ordained before he was conceived to one day be a Follower of the Lord Jesus. If Clark is all we ever have, he will be MORE than enough!!!!!

Jesus Loves Me this I know
For the Bible tell me So
Little ones to him belong
They are weak and He is Strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus love me
The Bible tells me So