Friend of God

The last 2 days have been PURE HELL for me, and the next days/weeks could be as well. There is a particular situation in which I have somehow become involved in, amidst ever knowing that I had ever done anything wrong. Really, I haven't done anything wrong. I promise. Someone I am/was extremely close with thinks that I have though. UGH.... How do you explain that to someone who has their mind made up about the outcome. Actually, how do you explain that to someone who has had their mind made up for them. Keep in mind this is something that I actually am not suppose to know about, but have been made aware of because of growing tension.

My friend Tracy said to me today, "you tend to let the petty things get to you". That is exactly right, I do. I like to make people happy. I hate to do anything that would cause anyone else to fret. I am tender hearted to most, but at the same time I can turn into the biggest bitch (sorry for the language) you will ever meet. This situation is one that has set with me the wrong way. My feelings are crushed, because in all reality I could be loosing one of my best friends. At the same time, I am very angry. I'm not going to get into the reason I am angry because I suppose I could sound selfish in some of my reasoning, and because there are other people involved that are 2 of my favorite people.

I can't tell you the last time that I have been sad enough to bawl my eyes out. Yesterday for over an hour while my precious little boy slept, I cried and cried and cried. I definitely felt better after the fact, but it doesn't make the situation any better. Actually today it seems that things have gotten worse. Don't feel bad for me, I should have known that something like this was bound to happen. Things have been going so good for me lately, time could only tell.

Saying all of that to get to this point. You know most of the time in our desperation we cry out for our Heavenly Father for his comfort. Last night, I felt all alone. I sat at my computer for a while trying to figure out the "What ifs?"and nothing seemed to make since no matter how hard I tried to make them work. Yes, I cried out in rage and anger to my God, not mad at Him at all, but mad because I have been put in a place where I know I am being attacked at every angle possible by Satan. Maybe I am wrong, maybe this is not an attack, but is God's way of Refining me. Maybe He's trying to take me to a deeper more trusting relationship with him. As I searched for answers in my mind, I was moved to these 2 scriptures and many others.

1 Peter 1:7
These have come so that your faith—
of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—
may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor
when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Psalm 18:6

In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

I know that I am not in this alone. I do have an amazing husband who reminded me last night that through it all he is right by my side. He reminded me that when it seemed like nobody else cared he did and he loved me so much. He also said to me "This should just be a reminder to you that since I along with many others seem to forget, that amidst all the craziness that life can bring we serve a Savior who always cares." My Savior has promised repeatedly through out the scriptures that he will NEVER EVER leave me or forsake me.

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

I went to church this morning with the wrong attitude, even after such an amazing experience with the Father last night. My heart was not ready for worship, but full of bitterness and anxiety. As worship began the song "I am A Friend of God" was sang and it was like all of my worries and anxieties from the previous evening that had crept back in were just wiped right away once again. It was a blunt reminder that my God is mindful of me, he loves and he promises that he will hear me when I call. The Father does not intend for me to be callused by this situation, but desires for me to give him a Heart full of praise because of the good things that HE is doing and will do.

Ok, enough rambling. Sorry for going on and on, but I needed to get this off my chest somehow. Check out the video above of Friend of God if you've never heard the song before. It's amazing!!!

My God, the Great I AM
Strong, Powerful
Mighty, Tender
Loving, Caring
Omnipotent
Omniscient
Omnipresent
Grieving, Working
Supporting, Steadfast
Never-Changing, Unfailing
That is How I am Loved
by my I AM.

By Iris K. Heeter 2008