Tuesday, January 31, 2012

11 Days Down 341 to Go

The last eleven days have been very eventful.

I have come to blogger the last 2 nights and have been unable to gather all of my thoughts together. I have a mixed bundle of thoughts that probably only make 1/2 sense.

Prior to this journey beginning, I had my mind set. I was READY for this, although I said a number of times that I wasn't. I could do it, even in my weakness. I have an amazing support system and I'm NOT going to do this alone. Here I am....I'm doing it!

As I was typing my last post on the 20th my precious friend Sandie came running into the fellowship hall of the church with a bleeding Brudder in her arms. He had been playing with the big boys upstairs in childcare (during Coffee Tunes) and tripped over someone's foot. He hit a wooden box (that had sharp edges but has been fixed) and gashed his poor noggin open. 5 hours and 3 stitches later we finally made it home. 2 a.m. is a time i've not seen in a long time. I left church with no pacifier, no lovie, no sippy, no diaper bag, no nothing. So for not having any of his favorite comfort items, Brudder was such a trooper. Please remind me to never go to the hospital in downtown Colorado Springs ALONE that late at night.

Big Boy is really having a hard time with his Papi being away at work. It seems as though he cries each morning and each evening. Not always directly about "missing Papi" but about something so small, like me walking him into school (when he has walked himself in since the 2nd week of school). He has always seemed to be a mama's boy (and in my eyes he always will be), but with Breezy having so much time off before Christmas and prior to this journey, he and his Papi had gotten super close. He'd choose Papi over mama any-day. I LOVE IT! Since Breezy has been gone Big Boy has taken over the role of "Man of the House" and he's so darn cute. He gets to sit in the "Man Chair" at dinner, he gets to sleep on the "Mans" side of the bed when he gets 5 green marks at school and best yet he makes "Man" poopie just like his Papi!

We've been able to chat on Yahoo! and Skype almost everyday but because of the 12 1/2 hour time difference the boys haven't had a chance to talk/see Papi. On Sunday before church we finally had a chance for the boys to Skype with Breezy and it made all the difference in the world. Big Boy was so proud that he could type the words "I luv u dad" on the computer. We're not counting down the days but Big Boy knows that Papi will be coming home for a fun vacation before he goes to 1st grade.

As for me, I have a lot of irons in the fire, but if you know me, you know that it's pretty normal. Classes have begun and I am going to throughly enjoy them all. My favorite will be my Exceptional Child class that I am actually taking on campus. I'm still working, but ONLY 20 hours a week unless I absolutely have to work more. I am leading a Young Ladies bible study on Thursday mornings with some precious, sweet souls from FBC and teaching a worship dance/ballet class on Thursday evenings. On top of all of that Big Boy is going to Karate 2 days a week and Brudder is doing Mommy and Me Gymnastics 1 day a week. Life goes on my friends, Life goes on!

The last 5 days have been miserable though. Many of you will remember that I had to have a hysterectomy in 2010. Since then my body has not been the same. I have been to the Dr. 4 times since we moved here to express concerns only to leave with no answers each time. I have been to the ER 3 times in the last 3 months with "flare ups" that I thought and Drs. confirmed was the repetitive cysts' on my left ovary. Well..I finally put my foot down on Sunday. I wanted answers, not pain meds. There is no way that a 2 cm. cyst was causing me this much pain and pressure in my entire stomach and my bottom (that feels like contractions and/or having a baby). I left with no answers. I returned to the GYN clinic @ 7:30 on Monday morning for a walk-in appt. for the Dr. to tell me that my intestines do not look normal and that indeed my ovary is enlarged and the cyst is about the same size. She sent me for another ultrasound (which I never had b/c they were too busy to work me in), and put me on birth control to regulate the cysts. I left with a referral to the Gastro Dr. I finally received a call this morning @ 7 a.m. only to find out that I am being sent to the AF Academy b/c Ft. Carson is booked and still can not be seen until the 23rd of Feb. Frustrated,yes! This flare up has been the longest yet and also the most intense.

I am so thankful for 3 special people who God have put in our path; (there are many more)

Julia, our wonderful Nanny and like a little sister to me. My boys absolutely love her and I wouldn't trade her for the world. She's JuJu to Brudder and she spoils him rotten...he's got her wrapped too! She's helped me through the last 3 flare ups and I am so thankful that she was with me on Sunday when this flare up knocked me, literally, to my knees in the church nursery. She was with us Sunday afternoon until Monday night. I am so thankful that she just let me sleep most of the day on Monday once I returned home from the hospital. Tomorrow is her 20th Birthday! Happy Birthday JuJu!

Mrs. Marti, our sweet adopted Grandmother. Again, our boys love Marti and her husband Joe. Big Boy has become wonderful buddies with Ethan, their grandson, and has picked up on him calling her Nana. Brudder calls her Nonny. She walks into the room and he just goes right into her arms. She and Joe took the boys for about 18 hours prior to this journey and allowed Breezy and I a night away. Just this past Saturday she took Big Boy and Ethan to the movies and allowed me a few hours to get housework done and cook a few meals for the week. She's such a wonderful encouragement and has made it so evident to our family that she willing to walk alongside of us until our soldier has returned home.

Lastly dear Mrs. Catherine. Catherine sat with me for 5 1/2 hours on Sunday at the Emergency Room. She shared her life with me as a military wife and she wanted to hear about my life as well. I was insistent that I could go alone to the ER but she was insistent that I wasn't. Her precious husband Bob (whom we almost lost in April) came and picked us up and took us home after everything was said and done. She's called to check in 3 or 4 times a day and today she and Bob showed up with enough groceries for a week or more so that I didn't have to worry about it on my day off. What a thoughtful family they are. They came and visited with the boys and it was so sweet. Brudder just sat in her lap and read books and when he was done he decided he was going to be Bob's boy.

It really makes my heart burst to know that so many people are supporting us and praying for us during this time. I was worried. I had almost decided to go home but people like these 3 and many others really allowed me the opportunity to change my mind.

I'm out for now! I need to get to bed and see what tomorrow will bring.

Love and Grace

Friday, January 20, 2012

And the Story Begins

Our journey has offically begun.

Day 1 is over and boy I am glad. The wait was HORRIBLE.

Everyone ask "How are you doing?" "Are you ok?". FYI...don't ask this is a huge pet peeve of mine.

Otherwise my response is, "I'm fine!"

Really...I'm heart broken. I am emotionally a mess. Give me time.

Some people "Get it" some people just don't. Oh well. They'll learn.

My boys...They're good, but Big Boy already misses his Papi.

Life moves forward from here.

God is good.

Family and Friends= MY ROCK.

Day 2 has been busy.

Coffee Tunes= West Emerson from Melborne Australia SWEET!!!!

<3 Grace and Peace <3

Friday, January 13, 2012

Meltdown #1

Oh boy what a day it has been. It has been one of THOSE days. Breezy was off work so most of the day was spent on the go.

We woke up to NO hot water this morning which threw me into a complete fit. We cloth diaper, Friday is diaper washing day. No hot water meant that diapers would have to wait UGHHHHH! No hot water also meant that I would go without a shower today or at least until tonight. We called the housing office and they were here before 1000 but thankfully my handy husband had already solved the problem.

We were out the door by 1025.

Today was "Bring Your Parents to School" day so we had lunch with Big Boy at school and then spent some time with him on the playground. I am in his classroom at least 1 day a week (this week 2)volunteering so I decided that we wouldn't stay all day and let some of the other parents hang out. He was thrilled that Daddy came to have lunch with him. He kept kissing me at lunch. It melted my heart, but at the same time I was thinking, he won't want to do this before long. :-(

We had a few things to take care of at the Post Exchange so we picked the little fella from his NeeNee's house and took him with us. He sure was good. Daddy bought him some big boy tennis shoes and he was running and jumping all over the place. It was precious! He is growing up so fast. He is still a short little fella but he sure does have a big personality.

I had a cup of Starbucks to get my boost of energy! Lucky girl!!!

We are moving into a new home soon so I spent the afternoon packing up a few boxes and getting our "Recycle/Dump" trip items ready to go for tomorrow. A sweet man from our church and his granddaughter (who is also our babysitter) are coming over to help us get the stuff taken are of. Sweet boy napped from 1-4:30 so I was able to get a lot done and even snuck in some Days of Our Lives. Thank goodness!

We got ready to dress for Karate and Big Boys uniform pants were covered in mud...REALLY? I guess that what happens when I left Big Boy talk me into walking to and from the SKIES building. Thank goodness his instructor understood that it was Mom's fault for not washing his uniform before today. Sorry dude, mom's mind is in 100 places. I have a few other things that are a little more important to worry about.

Tonight we spent some time with our new landlords. They are some of the kindest people we've ever met. They are leaving to go to the South for a year or 2. We look forward to taking care of their home while they are away. They are coming back to Colorado once his time in another state is done. I'll share some photos of the house eventually.

Daddy took us to eat BBQ sammies for dinner @ Bird Dog BBQ and it was delish! I think Breezy and I ate 3 pounds of Fried Okra! It's our favorite along with some sweet tea!

Now, were FINALLY home for the night. We converted Brudder's bed to a toddler bed tonight and he's sleeping peacefully like a big boy! When I was putting his diaper on before I laid him down I almost had a total meltdown. I've been on the edge of a meltdown for about 5 days and when it does finally come...WATCH OUT! It could be bad.
Let's cross our fingers that both boys sleep in tomorrow. This momma could us at least 1 more hour of sleep! Tomorrow's a big day the Bronco's are gonna play some ball and I need to be coherent enough during the game to not need a nap!

Night Yall!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

What NOT to Say....

I spent some time today looking online for things you shouldn't say to Military Spouses when their soldier is serving abroad. Many people would never know, but I actually get offended when many of these questions are asked. I shared with my co-worker recently the following things after attending a Military Ministry Partnership meeting together.

1. Don't ask me how I am. I'll let you know.
2. If I seem distant and quiet, just let me be alone.
3. If I need to talk about the deployment, I will. When I'm ready.
4. If my office door is closed, don't knock. More than likely I want to be alone.
5. Sometimes my brain will be in lala land, just leave me there. I'll come back!
6. Don't worry about me. This isn't my first go-round. I'll be fine.

I'm sharing these things with you now as a general list of No, No's! I've collected them from several other military bloggy wives!

1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”
Yes, everyday I am afraid. There is not a day that it doesn't cross my mind.

2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
If you don't think you could do it DON'T. My husband and I made the decision together to be a military family. We knew that the army life for us meant being apart more than being together. I didn't ask for your opinion...SORRY!

3. “At least he’s not in Iraq.”
War is over in Iraq my friend but it's still going on in other places and out of choices A. B. and C. he's probably in one of three.

4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.

5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
Life goes on. I have 2 children. I work part time. I attend school 9 hours a week. I am going to be teaching 3 hours a week of dance/jazzercise classes. I volunteer at my son's elementary school 3-5 hours a week. I don't have to worry about being busy!

6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
We'll my husband is a career Military Man. We just need to get through the next 12 months! It's all or nothing for our family.

7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
We do learn how to cope. We figure out ways to make life smooth and consistent. You never get used to your spouse being at war. The worry NEVER goes away. 500 minutes of every day are spent thinking about your spouse, talking to your spouse (if POSSIBLE), writing letters/emails to your spouse, praying for your spouse, talking to your children about your spouse. It is what it is...but easy is an understatement.

8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
No, really you don't. Your husband was gone for 3 weeks, Flying First Class, eating 3 hot meals a day, taking a shower in an actual bathroom and sleeping in a queen sized bed. My husband flew on a military flight that was jammed packed with soldiers,will be gone for 12 or 14 months, is sleeping on a twin sized cot or in a "coffin",taking a shower in a make shift bathroom where 20 other guys are showering as well, and is doing his best to get in 3 meals (in between sleeping, working 14 hour days and trying to stay sane.)

9. “Wow you must miss him?”
Well of course I do but your reminders are not necessary!

10. “Where is he exactly? Where is that?”
Well my husband is serving abroad. Unfortunately due to OPSEC or Operation Security I am unable to share that information with you. I want to protect my family and my huband.

11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.
Yes, he did sign up all on his own. Do you hear him complaining? NOPE! He knew what he was signing up for when he signed the papers almost 7 years ago.

12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
Military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things. The hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. “Well in my opinion…..”
Really, your opinion matters but please keep it to yourself.

14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
No need to be sorry he's doing his job!

If you want to say anything at all the safest thing would be nothing at all OR "Thank You", "I'm praying for you", "What can I do to lighten your load?". Simple is good but often times silence is better!

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Going, Going, Gone!

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years have come and gone.
Today is day #4 of the new year and the days until Breezy will be leaving are getting closer and closer. I've decided that I am going to make the most of this deployment for the sake of my family, especially our boys. I did not make a New Years Resolution because like most people, I didn't want to make a resolution to do something and not be able to hold up to it. I did set some goals for myself though;

1. Settle into a good, consistent routine with the boys so that we can all function withouth loosing our heads. (This includes Skyping with Daddy as often as possible!)

2. Attend a Small Group Bible Study once a week outside of weekly ministry responsibilities at FBC.

3. Work-Out 4 of 7 days a week (Zumba, Tredmill, Jazzercise, walking or biking).

4. Be debt free with a nice amount of $$ in savings by Jan. 2013 (excluding Car Payments and School Loans).

Realistic right? I thought so!

I'm off to get this house in order so that I can spend the evening with my Breezy! I'm making my nephew Jason's famous Grilled Shirmp with Asparagus and Mashed Potatoes for dinner.I'll share the reciepe another day.