Since Everyone Has Asked

It has been way to long since I last sat down to write. July 2012 seems like forever ago. I got caught up in Breezy's deployment, raising 2 boys, working 2 job and just living life until our Breezy made it back home safely. 

I came here about a month ago and just couldn't seem to make sense of my words. I am going to try again tonight.  I have something on my heart and on my mind that I need to share for my own good.

In May I went in to see my OBGYN because I was continuing to have pain in my lower abdomen as I have been for MANY months.While I was there we discussed many possibilities. It could be IBS. It could be cyst on my ovaries. It could be an unhealthy cervix. It could be a blockage or tear in my intestines. It could have been many things.Dr. B ordered labs, said she would call with the report and said she would see me again after our family returned from vacation in June.

*Let me go back to November of 2011 when this all started. I began having pressure and pain in my lower abdomen that was like having a baby...but from the wrong end. I told the Drs. this over and over again. I visited the ER for 4 months in a row and each time the problem seemed to be my left ovary. It always has a cyst or 2. Finally in January 2012 after a follow up visit with my PCM he ordered a colonoscopy for February. My PCM received the report a few days after and called to let me know that everything looked pretty good. I did have a tiny blockage in my intestines, but not enough that it would be causing so much pain and pressure. Here I am, thinking I'm nuts.

These "flare ups" have continued since then. They make me MISERABLE.

In June while our family was on vacation in Alabama the pain struck again and it struck hard. I was miserable for 2 days before I decided I needed to see the Dr. for pain meds since I had not brought any with me. Again, I wasn't sure if I had a bladder infection, an inflamed ovary or if my intestines were tied up in a knot. All I could tell the Dr. was that I felt like I was having contractions from the wrong end and that my insides were like a train wreck. Pain level at a 10. The Dr. ordered more labs (like always) and a CatScan. As alwayys my left ovary wasn't looking so good but according to him everything else looked normal. UGHHHH! Feeling like a nut...again.

We arrived home from vacation at the end of June and I had already scheduled a follow up with the OBGYN. I had touched base with her while on vacation because of the labs that she had requested. She knew then something else had to be done. I went in to the appointment, nothing new, but a lower abdominal CatScan with contrast was ordered. This made number 3. Because of the new insurance policy and referral system at our hospital on the Fort it was the beginning of August before they could get me in.

On August 8th I drank 2 bottles of that nasty contrast and then I went in for the CatScan. About 1/2 way thru the nurse came out and asked if the Radiologist could have permission to go back and look at the reports from the previous scans that had been done and my colonoscopy from 2012. Sure, why not. The procedure was completed and I came home.

On Friday, the 9th, my cell phone rang and it was another Dr. from the OBGYN clinic not Dr. B. She had received my CatScan report and had news that should not wait. I was a little taken back that she had called already. The nurse from radiology said it would be 7-10 days. She reported that I had a "periorectal abscess" that would need to be removed. She had already put in the referral to General Surgery. General Surgery called the same afternoon and scheduled my appointment for 2 weeks out with a P.A.

On August 26th I went in to see the P.A. and she stated that because of the location of the "mass" I would need to see a surgeon. She also told me that I had a mass on my left ovary that did not resemble a cyst and a spot on the top of my bladder. Her bedside manner was not the best and I left the appointment with very little information and a bit frustrated. Now, I was going to wait again.

About a week later she called again to let me know that she had spoken with the Chief of Surgery and I would need to see the OBGYN, Urologist and that the Chief of Surgery himself would be taking my case. She asked me to just be patient that they were sorting everything out. I still had very little information at this point. The P.A. and I had several phone conversations over the next 2 weeks and I became more and more frustrated that nothing was moving. I am no good at waiting.

I did finally receive a call from the Urologist and scheduled to see her the very next day. While at my appointment she showed me the images from the catscan. Indeed, there were 3 masses. The mass on my bladder is sitting at the very top and is about the size of a lima bean. My left ovary is enlarged and the mass on it is about the size that the ovary should be. At this time she told me the mass on my rectum was large, but no comparable size. She asked me again to be patient. She was going to contact the Suergon and the OBGYN and get things moving quickly. She did as she promised and 2 days later surgery was scheduled for Oct. 10th. Keep in mind lots of information but still a small understanding of the severity.

I made an appointment for Pre-Op with all 3 Drs. Urology and OBGYN were both simple. Dr. E's and B's parts of the surgery will be a breeze. My left ovary will be removed which makes me feel so much better. Eliminating one of the main causes of my discomfort. FINALLY. *I had a partial hysterectomy in 2010.

About a week later I walked into the appointment with the COS feeling very positive. Anticipating a short and sweet meeting. Dr. W. came in and sat down and asked if I understood what was going on. I thought I did. I was wrong. I asked him to give me a visible comparison of the size of the mass. He held out his hand as if he were holding a ball. The mass on my rectum is now bigger than a tennis ball. Unfortunately it was seen during the colonoscopy in 2012 and when my PCM read the report somehow he missed it. That was 1 year and 8 months ago. It was just under 2 cm's then. Had it been removed at that time it would have been a very quick and simple procedure and I would not be in the place I am in now. The mass has secured itself to my rectum and a small portion of my bowels. It is also sitting right on top of very large blood vessels and nerves that control rectum and bowel functions.

This week, Thursday, I will undergo what could be a 9-10 hour surgery. All 3 Drs. will be involved. Dr. B and Dr. E's procedures will be first and then Dr. W. will do his part. They will begin with laproscopy but Dr. W is anticipating that he will have to open me further to do a hand assist. He told me that his portion of the surgery will require him to be very slow so that no additional damage is done. My incision will be vertical and could be as long as 10 inches. There are many unknowns that are associated with his part.We won't know anything more until he actually gets into my abdomen and starts working. A temporary colostomy is very possible. We will wait and see.

I asked him if he thought that these masses were cancerous and he told me that he would not tell me yes or no. He said that he would know more when he gets them in the bucket. They will go to pathology and we should know more within 4-7 days.

I will be admitted after surgery for 4-5 days and possibly longer if more procedures are required, which is likely.

I am so thankful that Breezy will be taking leave and that my Daddy is coming from AL to be with us until further notice. Clark and Carsen will be in great hands with Daddy, BoBo and our wonderful sitter Tashy.

This is very rambley and scattered and might not make a lot of sense. Its off my chest now thank goodness. I have been very private with what has been going on with most everyone except my family and closest friends. This has been a lot for me to process in the last few weeks and I am a nervous wreck. The wait has been ridiculous and the closer it gets the more I begin to worry.

Your prayers would be appreciated.

Grace for Tomorrow,
Mrs. B.