Its 2:50 a.m. and
I'm wide awake with a list of things a mile long on my mind. I tried to talk some of them out with Breezy last night but I still am missing the peace that I was expecting to find through our conversation. Maybe you guys can help, if anything by just praying for me and with me.
I know everyone
says boys will be boys, but can it get any worse. I know all children go through the "terrible twos phase", but my Clark's got it BAD. He will not do anything we ask him of him; clean up his toys, pee-pee on the potty, eat his food.clean up after he has eaten his food, stay in the bathtub once we finally get him in ride in the front of the shopping cart, etc. He has a reason for everything, "I'm to little, Not Yet, I all clean,, I too sleepy." He
doesn't have time to stop for these things, its like it messes his whole mindset up.
Last night I came up stairs from the family room to find Clark peeing on the insole's from my father's shoes that he had pulled out. I'm not a spanker (and Clark
doesn't get spanked that often), but I did spank him for this and Breezy justified my action by saying that he would have done the same thing, and that Clark's behavior was unacceptable.He's regressing on the potty training a little which I was warned sometimes happens with boys, but for crying out loud he's still peeing, everywhere but in the toilet (middle of the floor, outside, in his pull up when he's got one on, bathtub). I think he's doing this just to test the limits and see just how far he can get. He will tell you that he's "
PeePee'd in
Grammy's floor and bring you his wet undies." Suggestions, Suggestions, Suggestions!
I know I am
a lot like my mother in
a lot of ways. I was raised as an only child and I know that I NEEDED discipline and strict routine in my life. I was diagnosed with ADD/
ADHD in 1st grade was later diagnosed with High Anxiety and Stress levels that were beyond you're average elementary school child, and to top that off I was later diagnosed with a mild form of
OCD. I still struggle on a day to day bases, but thankfully I can control most of this with ONE simple little medication. As an adult I don't think I have
ADHD, but I truly believe that the high levels of Anxiety and Stress sometimes control who I am and sometimes even my parenting. I know Clark can't be diagnosed with ADD/
ADHD at 2 years old, but it has been proven to be hereditary. I'm worried already. I know he's just busy like any other 2 year old, but to compare him to the others in his part day preschool class, he is wide open. Even his teachers have said so. Is it too soon to worry?
Everyone says I have more patience than most, which I find as a gift, but lately I find that I have very little. Clark is wearing his momma out. He goes and goes and goes and
doesn't stop until the wee hours of the night, no matter how hard we try. Yes, I said the wee hours of the night, my child STILL does not sleep through the night. If he does it is a rare
occassion that I praise God for. We've been to the doctor on more than one occasion to try to determine why his sleeping patterns are so interrupted. Wanna know what the last doctor said, "Children who are very
intellectual sometimes don't sleep well at night because their minds just do not know how to stop."Well he's too, I need a better excuse than that. As I type, he has been awake off and on since about 1:30, not sure why. I've just picked him up from his bed and I've got him laying beside me.
Clark has gotten to the point that if he
doesn't get his way he screams, he'll kick, turn into to jello
jigglers and throw one of those monster tantrums like the kid at the grocery store who didn't get those M & M's he really wanted. I'm not a tantrum kinda Mom, I just don't like them and I don't deal with them well. Makes me think SPOILED SPOILED SPOILED. Yes, that's some of Clark's problem (Only Child Syndrome), but he's not so spoiled that it has become a problem.To top it all off he is an only child who is currently living with his Grandparents, but even they are at a loss for what to do.
I have studied what scripture says about disciplining your children, I know what the writers
say, I know what research shows, but friends I am really just at a loss. I know I'm probably a little harder on Clark than most, but I want him to grown up knowing that I mean
business and that he is not the boss. I will ALWAYS love Clark but I want to raise him so that others might love him too. I have to find a medium that Clark and I can agree on NOW before I completely loose control of him.
Please don't think I am some kind of lunatic, I promise I am not. I am just at my wits end right now and worn out. I want to show my baby love, I wanna fill up his Love Tank, which I do all the time or
at least I try to, but I am only one person. I have
a lot of love to go around but I can only stretch it so thin (My love tank
doesn't seem to be refilling to quick these days). I want to discipline him out of love and not out of anger. I want to do what is best NOW so we won't see this problem as a
recurrence in the years to come. I believe that Clark really just needs a little bit of love and affection from his Daddy,
that's the
core of our problem. I'm hoping that once Breezy is home with us we'll start to see a little bit of change in his behavior, but until then I just need a little bit of encouragement and guidance.
